Goodbye! :)

I have decided to finally bring my work on this blog to a close so that I can work on my writing skills, and work on becoming a published author.  Thanks to everyone that supported this blog and be sure to look out for my work on my Facebook page and to follow me on instagram!

'Til next time!

Louise Williams

Local Living, Global Awareness: Plastic Bags

While doing some chores earlier today I happened to notice that my recycle bin explicitly stated not to add plastic bags to the bin.  This was a bit weird to me considering that every other plastic item could be thrown in, especially bottles and heavier packaging material.  So I thought it fitting that plastic bags be the subject of this week's 'Local Living' post!

Source: greenville.com

Plastic bags (like the kind your groceries are often packed into) are generally made of high-density polyethylene, a type of plastic that can take decades to breakdown and that is unfortunately but not suprprisingly still very toxic after its breakdown. Little red flags went off in my head when I saw that they shouldn't be put in the recycling, in part because of how toxic the plastic - broken down or otherwise - is to the environment.

Just to put this in perspective, in every square mile of the ocean, there are over 40,000 plastic bags to be found. Plastic bags also come in at the second-highest volume of litter in the ocean (right behind cigarette butts, which - random fact - some birds have now  begun using in their nests to keep away pests!).

This is especially worrisome considering how quickly we go through plastic bags, and how quickly I go through them in my own life after repurposing them as lunch bags, or for scooping cat litter.  Ecosystems all over the world have suffered from this; plant life, from the toxins seeping into soil and countless animals, due suffocation and poisoning as well.

So if we don't recycle plastic bags, what do we do with them?

According to this source, and many others that I've seen, the answer is to reuse and reuse as much as possible in order to keep the bags out of the trash all together. Because once they are there it is straight to the landfills they go.

And that's especially important to know. Because it seems to me then, that the best way to deal with the problem is to not accept "disposable" grocery bags at all. Next time I go shopping, my old tote bag will be coming with me.

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All the world is made up of local communities.  One small community now has the capability to affect or to be affected by those thousands of miles away.  This immense influence comes with this responsibility: to know those we affect and to do what we can to do right by them.

Happy American Independence Day!

Hope everyone's holiday was a good.. and safe.. one! Good night!

Activism Spotlight: Performing Against Animal Cosmetics Testing

I have great respect for performance artists.  A kind of bemused respect - given some of the things they will do to make their points - but great respect nonetheless.

And it is precisely because of artists like Jacqueline Traide, a student from Oxford Brookes University, who allowed herself to be "restrained, force-fed, and injected with" various cosmetics in a window in plain sight of the many passersby who were aghast at what they saw.

The astounding, 10-hour performance was clearly an effort to raise awareness for the animal cosmetics testing which the performance had paralleled.  The stark dehumanization of the student - which, it would seem, culminated in the shaving of part of her head during the process - was surely a shock to many who had witnessed it.  Of course, it wasn't shock alone that gave the performance its power.

As they say, "Location, location, location!"

This all took place in a shop window on Lush's Regent Street, one of the UK's busiest shopping avenues.  It was very likely that many of those shoppers taken aback by Jacqueline's performance had very recently purchased - or were en route to purchase - the makeup whose origins the performance protested vehemently.

The performance caught my eye for obvious reasons: it was disturbing, enlightening (I had no clue about the process used to test cosmetics on animals before), and also far reaching.  Though the performance was only geared toward animal cosmetics testing, it most assuredly raised other questions as well.

For me, the question was this: Why are farm animals not given the same love and respect in American culture as is given to those we keep as pets?

Why are we willing to turn a blind eye - and an unmoved heart - to the horrifying cruelty that delivers us our cheaper meats?

These questions appeared in my mind as I watched Jacqueline Traide submit to what - if done to a human - would undoubtedly be called torture, and I realized that her performance had done her job.  It had begun a conversation, even if it was only happening in my own mind, on yet another pitfall of our enabled craving for cheaper products.

Now, I wonder, if we might be moved to do something about it.

Local Living, Global Awareness - Wondering About Water

Photo credit: Robyn Beck, AFP/Getty Images

 A couple of days ago I was taking an exceptionally long and hot shower, when it hit me.  I had absolutely no idea where my water came from!  I didn't know whether it was from some underground cave that was on the verge of collapse, a river diverted from another state, a lake, a stream, some kind of science-fiction machine that distills water from the air?

So I started doing some searching.

It was relatively easy to find: the Inland Empire in Southern California receives most of its water from three main sources.  The first source is a 444-mile-long aqueduct that consists of 22 dams and reservoirs, and a pumping plant that brings water from the Oroville Dam up in Oroville, CA, all the way down to Lake Perris in Riverside, CA.  This huge aqueduct brings water to millions in Southern California and traverses mountains and large swaths of land in order to do so.  As I understand it, the bulk of water delivered to Southern California residents comes from this State Water Project.

The state of California also generally receives around 30% of its water from Groundwater sources, though due to the recent severe droughts experienced by the state that number has nearly doubled.  These groundwater sources are found at the water table, and coalesce into aquifers underground.

The final major source of water for where I live is, of course, local water sources like streams and reservoirs.  I found this one out first hand after an algae bloom in Silverwood Lake changed the taste and odor of our water supply to an earthy, dirty flavor (yuck!) very recently, alerting many including myself to wonder what was going on with the water and whether it was safe to drink.

Our local Cucamonga Valley Water District officials assured us, however, that despite the rather unsettling aroma, the water was perfectly fine.

Given that globally - as our species continues to propagate - resources have been increasingly stretched thin and disputes over water rights are already an issue regionally, and that at the local level for us Californians water is already a grave concern as our rainy season (and possibly our future status as a major source of agricultural products) is drying up, it is more important than ever to be aware of our resources, where they are coming from and to whom they are going.

I for one will be doing what I can to conserve.  To learn more about water recycling and grey water (waste water).  To be aware of how much water I use vs. how much water I actually need to use.  To sum up in a rather corny way, they say "if you don't use it, you lose it," which may be true.

But it is also very important to remember that we "never miss a good thing 'til it's gone."



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 Click here for more info on the California Drought! :)

All the world is made up of local communities.  One small community now has the capability to affect or to be affected by those thousands of miles away.  This immense influence comes with this responsibility: to know those we affect and to do what we can to do right by them.

Compassionate Communication Breeds Change

To Change A Society, Change How It Communicates!

 
In the United States' political sphere, everyone seems to be so preoccupied with being right.  Granted, this is probably nothing new, as humans can be so extraordinarily stubborn and prideful (and defensive) about whether they are right or wrong (whether they are actually right or wrong).

While I think it's understandable and at times necessary for conversations to gravitate toward this focus, I think it is also extremely important that it not be the main focus; case in point: the politically polarized climate in the United States.  Extremely vocal left, extremely vocal right.

Not much going on with the moderates.

People have raised their voices loudly for their own values, but have in all honesty tended toward a 'preaching to the choir' mode of communication that does little to positively impact the opponents of their values.  Pro-Choice/Pro-Abortion vs. Pro-Life/Anti-Abortion; Evolution vs. "Intelligent" Design; Gay Marriage vs. "Traditional" Marriage... the list obviously goes on, and I could rattle on many more clearly polarizing social issues, but clearly in all of these arguments one finds that there is no clear conversation on what is to be gained from these conversations.  What is the problem we are trying to seek a resolution to?  What are the fears and desires behind the stances each speaker has taken?  How are we to address them and move forward?

Simply put, I do not believe these conversations are productive at all.  How could they be though, when it devolves into which Libtard/Rethuglican said what, and who is a baby killer, and who is a backward blah blah blah...

Our society has forgotten the art of productive communication, and it is something I lament.

I believe that if we were all to learn the art of debate as part of our Language Arts curriculum in school, to spot logical fallacies, insufficient evidence, and the like, and if we were to allow ourselves to debate EVERYTHING, the truth - that is, those arguments which are solid and well-supported - will be revealed.  Of course.. this would only work if people were more interested in solving problems than stroking their own egos while sitting atop their high, beautifully maned horses, whilst riding off into the sunset, spurred on by all the people they left coughing in the dust behind them..

I digress.

Source: loving-community.com/tag/compassionate-listening

What is needed is a society that respects facts, respects questioning, and respects that those in power or those arguments which - if implemented in reality - would have great influence over the lives of others should be questioned.  What is needed is a culture which supports those who are willing to lay aside their own egos and admit when they are wrong, or to admit that - in the case of religion or other faith-based ideologies especially - that while a lack of evidence is not an impediment to their own beliefs, faith should not be expected to hold merit to others as worthy support for an argument.  What is needed is a society of individuals who are willing to look beyond their own limited grasp of reality in order to see the faults in the system they live within, in order to see who is negatively impacted by that system and to ameliorate the society's institutions to correct for those negative externalities.

Self-reflection, compassion, critical thinking, curiosity, and action.  If we are to end this polarization, this dry spell of thoughtful communication.  These are the tools we need to implement, and sooner than later please.

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Changing  the world one thought at a time...

In The News: ISIS, Regional Instability, and U.S. War Weariness

What's Going On?

 In recent weeks, a militant group called ISIS - or the "Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (Syria)" - has conducted a series of well-orchestrated, violent attacks on key economic and political strongholds in Iraq, and as of today has gained great control of Iraq's western border with Syria.  Many have pointed to the continuing unrest in Syria as a breeding ground for terrorist activity, and blame the chaos within Syria for ISIS's formation.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-27966774


Domestic response

Domestically, religious and political figures in Iraq have been quick to condemn the attacks and call upon the majority population of Shi'a Muslims in order to combat what is in essence a Sunni extremist militant group.  However, figures such as Shiite cleric Nassir al-Saedi were also adamant that the U.S. remain unengaged with the developing situation as Iraq, relegating any U.S. involvement to continued attempts to occupy and control the state.

It should be noted though, that as the situation escalates, views on U.S. involvement have become more diverse; for example, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki has come out in support of air strikes on Iraq's western border, which would be carried out by foreign states.

 

Who Is ISIS?

It is easy to automatically discount a group of any kind once the word 'terrorism' comes into the fray, but regardless of their actions, it is still helpful to understand what caused this group to form in the first place.  In fact, given the pervasiveness of American ignorance regarding Islamic societies and Middle-Eastern states, I would say it is extremely important to discuss.

The 'Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant' (ISIS) is a Sunni militant group acting within Iraq - a Shi'a majority state with a history of gross negligence toward its Sunni minority.  Regarding ISIS's activities in Syria, it is also important to remember that although the Assad regime (read: Assad family) is Alawi (a Shiite ethnic group in Syria) the wide majority of the Syrian populace is also Sunni.

They aren't acting alone either.  In much of North and West Iraq - regions which have larger populations of Sunnis and marginalized tribal groups than in the South - ISIS is getting support from those who are fed up with the Sunni-led regime and the divided status of their country.  Indeed, Iraq has been called unofficially partitioned by many, and even those who denounce the activities of ISIS are discussing the possibility of a future partition as well.

Of course, it is important to remember that they are officially categorized as a terrorist group as well.  High levels of violence against civilian populations have been attributed to the group.  Also, given the time frame during which ISIS arose - during the final call to draw down U.S. troops in Iraq, as well as during the ongoing Syrian civil war - it is clear that they are an opportunistic group as well.  Still, there are those who say otherwise, that the civilians fleeing the violence are not fleeing from ISIS itself, but from the inevitable violence between the group and government forces and that many who are fleeing are still supportive of the 'Sunni revolution'.

 

U.S. Response: The Government and The People

So what does this all mean for the United States and our inability to untangle ourselves from Iraqi politics?  The various members of the U.S. government, including President Obama and numerous key representatives, have attempted to walk a fine line, realizing that the wide majority of Americans are against any further involvement in foreign affairs as a result of not only war fatigue but an increasing disillusionment with the state of their own country.

Members of the U.S. government announced several times that 'all options' were on the table as far as aiding the Iraqi government in dealing with ISIS, and last week sent up to 300 military advisers to Iraq in order to provide support.

The question that arises here is one of state sovereignty.  At what point does domestic conflict - especially one that lay outside of one's region - become an international concern.  Given the weariness that many worldwide have about U.S. military involvement, is it little surprise that the call to arms of the Shi'a majority in Iraq was followed promptly by a warning to the U.S.?

Or, given the globalization of economics and politics, is something like this intrinsically connected to the U.S. and indeed to international security due to ISIS's threat to regional political stability and - it must be noted - to key markets in the global oil trade?  There are no easy answers to these questions, and in my opinion it really does come down to weighing the costs and benefits of not only U.S. or greater international involvement (for domestic security and for stability in the Middle East), but of the effects that different activities might have, and going in (or staying out) realizing that negative repercussions might result from any action (or inaction)...

And that either way, we will certainly have more to deal with in the future.

Activism Spotlight: Change The Mascot

Source: huffingtonpost.com/2013-09-11-WashingtonRedskinsLogo.jpg

Many claim that the fierce debate over the name and mascot of the Washington Redskins is much ado about nothing, even going so far as to claim that instead of being an insult to Native Americans, the term 'redskin' is meant to honor the legacy of the Native American heritage and communities.  This assertion came from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell - and is a belief paralleled by many Americans - despite the fact that the racial epithet is clearly defined by many sources as dated and/or offensive.

If the dictionary alone weren't convincing enough, the activism of groups like Change The Mascot, which heads a national campaign to "end the use of the racial slur 'redskins' as the mascot and name of the NFL team."  They have sent numerous letters, press releases, and taken advantage of social media like Twitter in order to raise public awareness for their cause.

Recently, their efforts have culminated in an epic, 2-minute-long commercial that truly celebrates the  diversity, history, and struggles of the Native American communities while also offering a scathing criticism of the Washington Redskins in the silence of the last few seconds in the commercial.

The activism of 'Change The Mascot' and other groups like them have endeared many to their cause.  Most now agree that the use of any other racial epithet would be completely unthinkable, and that it is equally inexcusable that one so infamous as 'Redskin' be allowed to remain in popular sports culture.

It seems that the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office appeals board agrees.  Once again they have revoked the trademark registration for the Washington Redskins after reviewing a case from 2006 in a decision reminiscent of the one in 1999 which was overruled after the NFL team appealed.  The Washington Redskins will most likely appeal the decision again, a reminder that those activists working toward eliminating such a triggering racial epithet from the team's name still have their work cut out for them.

Still, this victory is a telling one, and a reminder that such activism to change society for the better one PR battle, one protest, one letter written at a time, is of extreme importance.

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 "I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." 

          - Edward Everett Hale

Local Living, Global Awareness: Dove Deodorant

For my first 'Local Living, Global Awareness' post, I wanted to do something that really was close to home, so close in fact that it could be found smack in the center of my bathroom: deodorant.

The deodorant that I use right now is one of Dove's premium protection solid deodorants, and it smells awesome!  Fresh pomegranate and lemon verbena, what better way to start one's day, am I right?

Source: http://www.dove.us/

Actually, today I didn't want to just use this product, I wanted to know how it was made, where it came from, and how the making of this product affected the lives of those communities who worked on it.  So, the first thing I did was take this deodorant I bought in bulk at a nearby Costco, and flipped it over to read the ingredients below:

Cyclopentasiloxane

Stearyl Alcohol

C12-15 Alkyl Benzoate

PPG-M Butyl Ether - skin conditioner

Hydrogenated castor oil

Fragrance

Dimethicone

Polyethylene

Sunflower Seed Oil

Steareth-100

BHT

It read like any other list of deodorant ingredients, most of which were moisturizing agents, emulsifiers, and substances that allowed for a more even spread of the solid deodorant.  If you're interested, this video below also shows how the typical deodorant stick is made!

 

Of course, it wasn't enough to know where and how the deodorant was made; I also needed to know where it was made and by whom.  Another bit of searching and I found my first answer.  My particular stick of deodorant was made in one of the Unilever factories in the U.S., the parent company for Dove, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, St. Ives, Vaseline and many other popular brands of beauty and food products.

For those who don't know, Unilever is one of the BIG ones.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/27/consumer-brands-owned-ten-companies-graphic_n_1458812.html

The ingredient I wanted to focus on most in that list of hard-to-pronounce chemical compounds is Stearyl Alcohol, a fatty alcohol generally derived from Stearic Acid found in Shea nuts and coconut oil (though it can also be found in smaller amounts in other nuts, fruits, and some animal fats) which is one important ingredient in maintaining the deodorant stick's smooth finish, and is used frequently in beauty products for its skin-soothing properties.

From what I have found, the largest exporters (<-- careful, the link takes some time to load) of Stearyl Alcohol are Malaysia, Germany, the United States and India, so it would be a safe assumption that the United States is in large measure its own supplier of Stearyl Alcohol.  However, it is clear that the raw materials - generally tropical fruits and nuts - from which Stearyl Alcohol is derived are not also produced in the United States, so I felt I needed to dig a bit deeper.

If the United States makes Stearyl Alcohol, who produces the agricultural and refined products that it is made from? 

Let's focus on Shea products to find out.  Once again turning to Google, I found that as of March, 2010, it was found that the majority of refined Shea butter was produced in European countries, which then "export the refined product to manufacturers of food and cosmetics" like Unilever.

65% of West African countries export the initial, raw agricultural products - Shea nuts and unrefined Shea butter - to Asian and European countries to be processed.  As such, of the projected total market value of $500 million for Shea products, West African countries enjoy only a small percentage of the potential revenue.  Good news though!  The number of countries only exporting the raw products have been dropping steadily as international and domestic investment in the West African shea markets as led to more refining capabilities in countries otherwise dependent on agricultural exports.

Shea nuts (Source: http://www.cleopatraschoice.com/shea-butter.html)

Shea butter (Source: http://blackgirllonghair.com/)

 Now that I know a bit about how my Dove Deodorant is made, who makes it, how they make it, and where it has been in its various forms, I also want to know how the markets affect those at the very beginning of the products creation, those who export the raw materials.  For that information, I turned my eye again to West Africa.

In Ghana, communities are coming together around the markets for Shea butter, especially as it opens greater opportunities for African women who individually made very little money in selling foraged shea nuts but as a collective managed to create enterprises in markets such as soap and shea butter as well, increasing their respective incomes by a modest but supremely important amount.  In Ghana's northern region, this has become especially important as the country works to bridge its wide national poverty gap which sees around 52% of its population as living below the poverty line.

Not only Ghana, but other West African countries like Burkina Faso are benefiting from the Shea Nut and Butter markets as well.  In Burkina Faso, for example, Shea butter is often referred to as "women's gold," because of its historical use as a beauty product but more importantly for the opportunities for employment that the market brings for women, who in recent years have worked in collectives to produce large amounts of Shea butter, soaps, and other products in order to bring in greater income for themselves and for their families.

Source: www.un.org/africarenewal/magazine/october-2008/closing-ghana%E2%80%99s-national-poverty-gap

It is, however, important to note that while these gains in the trade of increasingly valuable, "hot commodity" products is a great stride for West African countries, there are many who are critical of those corporations who take advantage of the cheaper markets in these agriculturally-dependent countries then market the products as resulting from fair trade and price agreements to their consumers in advanced industrial countries; there is controversy as to whether farmers and purveyors of these products in West Africa are actually getting paid their "fair" share.
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All the world is made up of local communities.  One small community now has the capability to affect or to be affected by those thousands of miles away.  This immense influence comes with this responsibility: to know those we affect and to do what we can to do right by them.

Escaping Into the Box

It is easy to sit,
to close up my thoughts
and watch the flashing screen
to fall into
     fantastic rescues
     daring gun battles
     and pretend to dare to glare
     into the eyes of death
as the chamber clicks
and a sharpened bit of metal
is unleashed in my direction.

So easy it is -
     to dream -
while my vocal cords wither
and my muscles atrophy
from fear-induced idleness.

Counter-protesting the Scare Tactics of AbortionNO.org at UC Riverside

On May 19th and 20th, 2014, a student organization at UC Riverside invited onto the campus an organization called AbortionNO.org, a pro-life organization which many students regularly see visiting our campus.  Whenever this organization visits, they bring with them an extremely graphic (trigger warning) photo-mural exhibit as part of their College Campus outreach "Genocidal Awareness Project (GAP)", which among other things, includes a host of images not at all relating to their cause: images of tortured American slaves, black men hanging from trees, disfigured children, victims of the Rwandan genocide, pictures of Jews lying in mass graves, etc.

Regardless of the position many took on the actual abortion debate, most students decried the exhibit for the irresponsible nature of the mural; one image appropriated the plight of rape victims and the victims of honor killings in fundamentalist Islamic communities and - without addressing or truly connecting this in any way to the abortion debate - pointed to the barbarism of one act and falsely conflated it with the act of abortion as though to say: rape is barbaric isn't it? We can all agree on that.  Isn't that equal to the aborting the unborn fetuses of the "humiliated rape victims"?, effectively objectifying the bodies of rape victims, using their status as victims to project an entirely different agenda.

Moreover, while the images of disfigured, dismembered, and bloodied fetuses had little to no context in their visual presentation (why was the fetus aborted? For example, was the mother's life at risk? Was its organs not developing correctly? etc.) they were irreverently placed beside pictures of lynched black men in the Jim Crow South, and beside images of the World Trade Center attacks on 9/11 and the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Those who put up this display constantly stated that they are in no way stating that those mothers receiving abortions are equal to the barbarism of the Nazi regime in WWII Germany, yet right above their heads were pictures that stated otherwise.  What's more, they were even willing to bring children as props in their cause, often pointing to the children they had brought with them and asking the counter-protesters (myself included): "Would you rather this child had died?*"

The entire display reeks of Orientalist viewpoints, a tired use of people of color and those in impoverished and developing nations (ESPECIALLY Muslim communities and African nations) as a way of pointing out supposed barbarism that is foreign to the U.S. and placing the U.S. and other post-colonial superpowers above it.  Though the representatives of AbortionNO repeatedly stated otherwise, there is clearly a purpose in only using shocking images of the U.S.'s stated enemies and horrifying historical practices which no one could easily contest without being demonized themselves.

There was no academic argument brought forth in their poorly planned pro-life crusade.  The display was fraught with logical fallacy after logical fallacy, and cultural and political appropriation so infuriatingly irresponsible that many students couldn't help but speak out.  Which we gladly did.

A counter-protest was quickly organized once people caught wind that this organization which clearly is not beneath using psychological attacks and textbook propaganda tactics to force its message.  I myself didn't realize that the protest was underway until I stumbled across it on the way to the library, but once I saw it I quickly jumped in to offer my support.

Signs were made.

I made this sign! :)

Voices were raised.  Signatures were constantly added to a makeshift petition we later presented to the Dean of Students which he graciously accepted with the promise that he would act upon his words.  And we promised him that if AbortionNO.org - or any group like them who were so willing to objectify and belittle the experiences of others to make their own point, to verbally attack instead of to facilitate civil and productive debate - they we would be back too.

I only wish that my phone hadn't died so early in the day.  The group protested for as long as the display remained standing, I believe from at least 10 a.m. until their time was up at 5 p.m.  The group grew
as the day progressed - and so did our support from passing students who were as equally appalled at the belligerent self-righteousness of the display - and I am proud that my university and its student body were willing to take the time out of their day to stand up to groups like this who take the easy path and remain willfully ignorant of the plight of others and bark from their high horses about an issue which they believe to be black and white, but which is colored instead by infinitely many shades of grey.

Finally I am so grateful for the productive conversations I had on abortion from those with opinions on all sides.  Civil debate alone is how we can progress to practical solutions.  Use of images for the purpose of provoking - not thought - but anger and fear?  That doesn't belong on the grounds of any academic institution.

A word to the wise to this kind of organization: bring academic arguments to an academic institution or - in the words of one of my fellow counter-protesters, kindly "fuck off".

Novocaine

A curious thing indeed, the feeling of numbness.

It was exactly how I'd expected, receiving the shot of Novocaine.  Perhaps a bit more tingly?  But still every bit as foreign as say the limb of another person or a lump of wet clay.  Not connected to myself, alienated, everything becomes foreign and even seems to be dead weight.

I wondered, while the needle pierced through the lower right side of my inner cheek, if this might be what standing on the precipice of death feels like, teetering on the edge with a cruel but careful wind upon one's back, beckoning them forward.

A quick pinch... perhaps a lingering pinch that refuses to fade no matter how many times the dentist asks, "Does it still hurt?"

And then it begins the slow descend into the numbness.  The affected limb begins to fall apart in my consciousness - in this case my tongue - to fall into disconnected bits of tissue, tingling like sentient magnets attempting to find each other.  And then they are gone and I am left with a foreign something in my mouth which it pleases me to test with a cautious bite.

Is this how death settles into our chest over time?  Invited inside by the dull aches which we have allowed to normalize over the years?  Perhaps I have no need to fear it as I have already served Death tea and cakes and beckoned it to raise its delicate feet upon my new ottoman to rest inside my popping knee and my weary lungs...

I believe it is the cessation of breath that has inspired the most terror in me despite that dream where I floated among the blushing cherry blossoms and proclaimed that this was a perfect place to die.  The dotted branches waved gently at me and wrapped around my body like a floral womb.  Perhaps it is the same with one's last breath; pink heaving walls that allow one last glorious burst of wind to rush through its blood-rich branches before closing forever, sheltering the molecules too weak to flee.

And then numbness drapes its black warm form across the heaving pink walls and slows their movement, dulling the drifting pain which is - by now - a faint idea to nerves which are - by now - forgetting to fire.

What need have I to fear pain that will be gone after a brief shock?

And so it was in this way, with these morbid thoughts, that I managed to ready myself for the threatening drill, which hastened toward my prepared tooth and began to thrust its way into the enamel-shielded belly, opening it fully and readying it to be filled.

Hypocrites and Helpless Pleas

A couple days ago I was accused of being a hypocrite after asking a question regarding illegal immigration in the US and policies which overtly seek to aid illegal immigrants (but do not bring them closer to legal residency).  Though I explained my position to the person who - owing to a lack of response to my rebuttal - it can be assumed has since backtracked his statement or simply has been unwilling to further defend it, I am still extremely shaken by the claim.

It forced my focus away from the central two foci - the kidnapped girls in Nigeria and drivers' licenses for illegal immigrants - and turned it to myself.

Am I really a hypocrite in my passionate disgust of what happened to these young girls?  Am I somehow at fault in a way I had not previously thought?

I wanted to be angry with my online opponent, but instead my passion was tempered, and now I am needlessly self-reflecting and unable to feel anything more than qualified outrage, as though he had meant to say that in being skeptical about policies temporarily helping one group of people (which I was actually not)  while pleading for help for another, I had no right to declare so boldly my thorough abhorrence with what may now be an impossible travesty to remedy.

I shouldn't have been affected this way.
I should have been able to brush off the statement, knowing well that it did not pertain to me, but to someone who he falsely believed me to be.

Still, here I am again, drowning in ego-driven self-doubt, and utterly loathing myself for it.

Being Vegetarian

Source: Dreamtime.com

A few years back... about five to be precise, I just stopped eating meat.

Now I'd never really wanted to eat meat, but growing up in a household that did meant that sometimes I really didn't have a choice.  Plus-- who am I to deny a delicately prepared pastrami hot dog, amirite?

Still, I was vegetarian for a solid three years without missing the taste of fried chicken or steak or bacon.

And then I started getting curious.  I wondered how meat tasted, it seemed like such a foreign thing to ingest at that point.  And though a lot of meat eaters I knew couldn't roll their eyes far up enough when I say this, it really was.  The juices of the meat, the texture, the taste even, was something that almost brand new for me, after three years of abstaining.

So fast forward to now... and I am plagued with the question, why do I still eat a mainly vegetarian diet?  Every so often, especially when it seems the food is running low and its that time of the week again (for grocery shopping), I will have myself some meat though I usually stay away from red meat still.

I have been asked that question before, as though people simply cannot comprehend why I would give up meat - unless I was some sort of animal rights activist or had a medical condition - and are baffled when I either say, I just don't like meat... I don't really see the point in eating it.

Apparently that is a reason that just doesn't fly these days.

Still, it wasn't flying with me either.  Lately it seems that only out of habit do I order the portobello mushroom pasta instead of the Bangers and Mash.

So why exactly did I become vegetarian?

The more I think about it, the more I realize a few things.

1) I feel so much healthier, clear-headed, and ready for the day when I not only abstain from meat, but when I fill myself instead with bright veggies, eggs, and fruits.

2) Knowing the state of the U.S. agribusiness when it comes to meat, I think I've grown uncomfortable with supporting an industry that has turned animals into little more than atrophied, lifeless meat factories.  Not only from an ethical standpoint, but from a selfish one too: why would I want to eat something that I knew was not healthy when it lived?

Source: apedonkey.com

3)  Philosophically, I believe that humans - especially those privileged enough to NOT live in food deserts and to have enough income to comfortably support themselves - have a duty to the rest of the natural world to live in sustainable, healthy ways.

Yes, it is a natural thing to eat meat for many creatures in the animal kingdom, and it is an unfortunate aspect of nature that the world is often kill or be killed.

However, instinct is also a natural thing: the fight or flight response for example.  And yet it is a characteristic of humanity that if we so choose, we are able to control ourselves and ignore instinct except when it is absolutely vital to our survival.  It's how civilization is able to be -- you know -- a real thing.  In the same way, I don't believe it is necessary for us to kill other animals to sustain our lives or even our comfortable lifestyles.  And I certainly don't believe that it is necessary to imprison and essentially torture our livestock, placing them in unsanitary conditions and breeding them so that they are morbidly unhealthy throughout their lives.

The human intellect is and has always been a source of great power for our species.  And like Uncle Ben said, "With great power comes great responsibility."  I believe that on an individual level, being conscious of what I put in my body, where it came from and how it lived, is a fantastic way of rising up to this responsibility.

Vegetarianism isn't for everyone, and I know that.  I'm not a militant vegetarian trying to press everyone to join the club or die (though sometimes I feel like I should act that way, just to counteract the many people who think I'm insane, unhealthy or a threat to their identity for not eating meat lol).

Still, for those who don't understand why anyone would bother to reject the glorious internet god that is Bacon, I hope that maybe my ramblings will have shed a little light on the matter. :)

(>^_^)>#

Whitewash

It's this paint that has been sent
to seep into my pores and color the sight
of ignorant observers,
who think me distant from myself
by virtue of the money they believe
is not my own
the suburban home
that is not my own

the social status
the future
the potential
the possibilities I hold for
the dreams I nurtured inside myself

which
they say
cannot be mine, unless -

I am somehow distant from myself
from the impoverished heritage
that this brown skin has marked me to inherit.

That I am whitewashed,
a shell of my ancestors' strength,
a feeble mask that at first glance
seems like black
cracked out and pregnant
lost in innercity alleyways
and filled to the brim with
barbaric sex

until they see the glimmer of humanity
in my eyes, the hope, the intelligence -

this is not the trait of the black woman,
they must say to themselves,
who do not understand what it means to be
black woman, black human

so therefore she
with brilliant speech
and witty mind

must be some sort of divine
heaven sent nigger wench,
colored but still somehow
with the power to assert herself
here, where the state necessitates that her beauty
be doused in cum and white paint

until her very essence has been effaced.

Somehow she, so trod upon
by the ignorant eyes of those so blinded
by their own projected fears,
still manages to be human,
humane to those who inspired her tears.

So she holds her tongue while the ignorant man
smiles and tells her that her fertile river clay color,
her power, her filled with every color,
filled up with the starry universe color - so offending
to his senseless soul -

is made bearable by erasing it all.

Free-Write: Magick and Other Unbelievable Things

The trick with magick is this:  for it to work, it must be real to you.  There is no other way.  The wonder of magick is that it allows one to call up previously experienced emotions, physical conditions, etc. with no real stimulus except one's own will.

And through that, to pull into one's reality something that was not there before.

But there is no such thing as a free lunch, and everything has its price.

The price of magick is the ritual itself.  The mental, physical, and emotional exertion required to make something real to you.  To cause something to exist in your reality.

Of course, like the creation of anything else, the components seem lacking, incomplete, mundane or even useless.  It is in their completed application, their final form, that allows it to exist; the magic.

I believe that I have been trying to explain away this inherent paradox - that if something is not already real, then it cannot 'become' real - when in reality the truth lay in this paradox itself.  Witchcraft, the act of creating.. anything, magick, magic, hypnosis, positive (or negative) thinking, etc. ...like anythinge else we experience, it is real because we accept it as being real.

But we must also accept that there are layers of reality, some of which cannot be experienced by others, and some of which others have conditioned themselves - for better or for worse - not to accept.

Finally, there is this conception that one definition of magick - that sort of Hocus Pocus, Halloween, crooked-nose witch, stereotyped magick... which I also have never experienced and may never will - cannot exist.  That it is simply not real.  Moreso, that there is a strict binary between what we believe to be real at the present moment, and what we believe is false.  But we must also remember that we have made great strides in the past century with electronics, weapons, and the like that many before us would have called impossible, including and especially the 'miracle' of airplane flight - which many of us take for granted to this day.

The point of this all is that our reality is always changing.  Our nature is as inherently ignorant beings, and as such we are always searching for what is truth, discovering it in new forms every year, and finding ourselves suddenly able to do things we as a people previously thought impossible.

There is no need to immediately attack that which one doesn't believe, but instead to educate oneself on what one believes to be ridiculous, why people believe it, what others experienced, etc.  Then to come back and to question one's own beliefs if it is found to be important.  There is no need to fear the testing of one's own truths, because if it turns out your truth was indeed false, then you will have succeeded in deconstructing one more misconception that hovers in our social world, and colors the way we see the world around us.

And if it was true, whatever idea you clung to? Congratulations, you were - for the moment - correct. :)

(>^_^)>#

Sun In My Eyes

I stood with the book in my hand
back to the wall
face to the sky
legs crossed
expression
pensive, as though lost in thought

Posing for some unnamed audience
I guarded myself against
sitting cross-legged
comfortably
carelessly
on the dirty floor where the mating insects

crawled together without a thought
of my leering eyes
and intrusive mind.

I pretended to notice the words
on the fluttering pages,
but could not
tear myself
from my own self-consciousness.

Free-Write: Internalized Colonial Ideals

For a french literature class I took this quarter at my university, I had to watch this movie entitled "Faat Kiné" which follows the life of an unwed mother of two, and her successful life as a business woman in Sénégal.  I preferred the other movie "Madame Brouette" that we watched, but that really isn't the point.

filmfestamiens.org

In one scene of the movie, the women wore these traditional Senegalese dresses, beautiful, vibrant dresses and they danced at a party Kiné was holding to celebrate her children's academic achievements.

And I found myself smiling, thinking.. how quaint, timeless, and archaic their manner of dress was.
And that shit stopped me in my tracks.

Now I have had a lot of classes on post-colonialism, both in my french literature, french grammar, and many of my political science classes, so I know what internalization of the colonial ideology looks like.  I know what it looks like when someone has accepted that binary that the Papal Bulls began which related barbarism, backwardness, misogyny and hyper-sexuality (among other things) to people of color, to their countries, and to their culture.  The binary that equates the West with moral, biological, cultural and intellectual superiority.

And I saw myself looking at the garb of these women and seeing something reminiscent of another 'simpler' time, but I realized that this inherently meant that I saw their culture as not fitting the 'modern', more 'advanced' world - you know, the way a business suit might.  The way that I dress might - or my Western friends.

This disgusted me, and I was surprised and annoyed with myself to have found the very same mindset which subjugated not only the peoples of the "Orient" (a term often used by colonial powers in order to define Eastern civilizations on their own terms) deeply ingrained inside my own head.  But what about their dress, about their culture, is 'quaint' exactly.  Moreover, how could I judge my own manner of dress and my culture to be superior or more advanced?

The only, true differences I see between the West and East are these:

West - East
Colonizers - Colonized
(Often) Richer - (Often) Poorer

...Sure there are numerous other differences.  Of course there are.  And within the "west" and the "east" there are also differences, an infinite number of cultures, ideologies, social structures, educational systems, cuisines, gender roles, etc. exist all over the world, mixed up in ways that this binary - whose sole purpose was to recreate the identities of the colonized - could never possibly seek to understand with its extremely limited binary.

I am not quite sure what I'm saying anymore.

But I know this, that I am a product of this binary ideology, which asserts that those colonized were colonized in order to save them - you know, the whole "kill the 'savage', save the child" mentality?  And it makes me wonder how much fuller I could be as a human being if I could only get rid of this silly infatuation we have with being more advanced, with surpassing our fellow human beings, with being "better" -- and with our futile and dangerous attempts to prove that the "other" identity that we create to scare ourselves and to ideologically imprison others who are different than us in a cycle of dehumanization and violence.

How much more peaceful and beautiful and whole I would feel if I could see past the curtain of bigotry, the distance put in between myself and the culture of my own ancestors.  How much more beautiful the world would be?

**********
P.S. I have a theory.  I have a theory that all of this colonization and the resulting Western superiority complex actually stemmed from the childish, but nonetheless demoralizing realization experienced by Western civilizations before the start of Western Imperialism..

They 'discovered' the beautiful and strong Eastern civilizations, the lush and bountiful lands of Africa and the proud civilizations that lived there... and realized they were inferior themselves.  In attempting to begin trading, they realized that they had nothing to offer these advanced civilizations which they wanted.  Collective trauma - left unresolved, misunderstood by the traumatized party - only breeds more trauma in the end...

Maybe that's the reason why the non-Advanced Placement 'world history' curriculum at my high school only began with the French Revolution, well after the advent of Western Colonialism?

(>^_^)>#

Writer's Block

The page
whose presence I requested
now mocks me with its
emptiness, a sight
I first sought with vigor,

now simply a reminder
of my fleeting dreams.

Where will Ukrainian unrest lead?

For the last few months protests in Ukraine - which became increasingly more violent in the run up to an emergency election called which resulted in Ukrainian President Yanukovych's removal and the formation of an interim government, I believe until regular elections commence.

Source: http://www.bbc.com/news/

Almost immediately after this election concluded, worries about an invasion by Russia - supposedly legitimized by the assertion that doing so would be only in the interest of protecting Russian citizens living in Ukraine - began to surface, especially after a group of apparently military, but unidentified armed men took control of the Simferopol Airport in Crimea, an autonomous republic of Ukraine to its south.

Now those worries may be actualized by a decision to approve Vladimir Putin's request for troop deployment in the Ukraine, though with the not very reassuring caveat given by Russia's Deputy Foreign Minister Grigory Karasin that the approved request may "not be used quickly".

Due to the actions of those armed men who took control of Simferopol Airport, international attention has rushed into Crimea and shed light on the possibility of it become a new, potentially violent flashpoint in fights between Pro-Russia and Pro-E.U. protesters.  I had a conversation a few days ago about the unrest in Ukraine, and the subject of a possible civil war rising along the lines of these protesters, of the Pro-EU Western Ukraine and the Eastern Ukraine (whose demographics are comprised of high numbers of ethnic Russians and Russian citizens).

Unfortunately, due to the constant brewing of unrest within the country, and overt, unapologetic pressure from Russia, the idea that this situation could come into civil war - especially with the now looming threat of Russian invasion - is more and more likely.

It is quite interesting to note as well the parallels between Cold War tactics and the growing tensions between the U.S. and Russia.  Both countries had been tiptoeing around the issue of Syria to avoid a Cold War-style proxy war spilling into the issue of Iran, yet now the focal point of these U.S.-Russo tensions have shifted into Ukraine.  Indeed, this may turn into something much bigger than Ukrainian unrest itself if the two powers aren't careful.

Though perhaps Russia is instead well aware of that, and is attempting to reassert its 'soft' power on the world stage amidst unimpressive U.S. economic growth and a recent announcement by U.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel that the Pentagon plans to downsize the military.

I believe it is important to watch the unfolding of the domestic conflict in Ukraine, simply because of how far reaching the conclusion of this conflict will be for all parties involved, internally and internationally.  The political dynamics of the global balance of power seem to be in transition away from the Western-centric balance of the late 20th Century, and the worrisome events in Ukraine - and how they are resolved - may offer us a glimpse into the future of that transition.

(>^_^)>#...

Where I Have Been: Little Tokyo!!

Me and the boyfriend! <3

Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I took the metro down to Los Angeles to explore.  No, we didn't have a plan (that was kinda my fault but I forgot :P), so we just allowed the winding streets and distant music to lead us.  First we found ourselves in this colorful street market outside of L.A. Union Station, complete with bright streamers and vendors cooking sopes, enchiladas, and pouring iced Horchata into big Styrofoam cups.  What caught my eye most were these small, heavy replicas of Aztec art.  Looking at those makes one feel as though somehow, someone managed to tear the Sun down from the sky and cement an imprint of His Hand into jade or obsidian.  They really were absolutely gorgeous, but..!

We didn't stop there.  As we walked, I realized just how much I needed to be in Little Tokyo.  It had been something of an obsession for me to visit the closest hub of Japanese culture and cuisine I knew.  I have been into anime and such all my life, but it was really the recent discovery of Japanese cuisine that set me off.  And so, a-walkin' we went!

The first stop was this hardware store that I unfortunately forgot the name of, but where I will definitely find myself in the future.  Why?  Because they had the thing I have been stuck on most the last year: a takoyaki pan.  Don't know what takoyaki is?  Look no further!

Then, it was off to find some authentic ramen.  We were headed to a place called "Daikokuya", a restaurant renowed for its food, and it was definitely obvious once we got to the door how 'renowned' it was.  A huge line had already formed, so we skipped over (blasphemy, I know! We'll have to save it for another day :3) instead to Shin-Sen-Gumi, a place with an equally impressive reputation just across the street.  There we sat down and got one order of Takoyaki and a 1/2 order of ramen for each of us.  There, you get to choose your own toppings; let me just say that their ramen - complete with a flavored egg and shrimp wontons - are absolutely divine!

Next, after that we walked just up the street and wound up in the Japanese American National Museum, a beautiful building with tall windows and wonderful, heart-wrenching exhibits.  In the half hour we were there we visited all of their open exhibits:

the "Go For Broke" exhibit,

the Remembrance Project display,

and the "Common Ground: Heart of the Community" exhibit,

all of which detailed the history of the Japanese American community, from the first generation of immigrants in America - and their struggles against racism and poverty as they searched for wealth, land, and a future in the United States - to the Japanese Americans that served proudly in the U.S. military during World War II despite the gross betrayal of the U.S. government against their families and themselves.

What I found most amazing in this exhibit is the parallels their experiences had with that of my own ancestors, who for the bulk of U.S. history were allowed to amount to nothing more than slaves, property for their white, landowning counterparts.  Moreso, it reminded me that in spite of the extreme levels of racism that have always permeated U.S. culture, that the U.S. was from its inception a melting pot, that cowboys, soldiers, homesteaders in the Mid-West, and gold prospectors in California, came in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

It is amazing that immersing ourselves in the culture of another can often remind us of the lessons and truths we have learned from our own history.

Finally, we took a train back to L.A. Union and headed down the Red Line to Amoeba Music in Hollywood, which - if you haven't been there, you NEED to go.  Our train back home was coming soon, so I just picked up one of my favorite movies, "Amélie", and we hurried back in time to catch the train back to the I.E.

The daytrip was a treat in and of itself I think, and one that was sorely needed as finals and the completion of my B.A. degree come barreling closer; living in the heart of Suburbia means you don't really get many places to explore that are close by.  If you have never been to Little Tokyo before, go! This was only my first time there, and I am already aching to go back. :)

The Red Line

Source: Louise Williams

Barrel through darkness
to a destination, known;
I smile into the acceleration.

Untitled

A curious emotion seemed to permeate
in the still air of the room,
causing bones to ache, teeth
to chatter, and my heart to assume

a rather silent state.
There's little to do, I decided,
and was instead content to watch withered leaves
fall from the plant in whom I'd confided.

Wanting

Have you ever needed a poem?
To feel it missing from you,
a delicate memory, rustling quietly
invisibly
inside your head?

Have you ever pulled yourself
through rows and rows of
odd titles and collections
to find one single, addicting line?

I ask you, friend, because
though I have forgotten your name
I have read your spirit and
felt your tears that drenched my
sweater sleeve

and search feverishly for that
brief moment
hidden between every of your
tenuous words.

Alexandria

I can feel myself swell already,
but I couldn't help this deadly thirst
that late last night, slipped inside
my bed.  Feeling Her breath
upon my lips sent me into a hunger
rivaling that cursed man, Erysichthon,
who angered the heavens with his
wanton destruction.

And yet, before me, now, that river
which might have quenched this flame
runs dry, dammed up by years
of neglect - due to war or human
ignorance alone, I was never sure;
they drank the water, thirsty and eager,
but left none for those to follow,
for neither friend nor foe.

But still, this thirst beckons me close
and fastens Her withered arms around
my head, pulling me into Her embrace
offering comfort as both She and I tear
our gaze from the river run dry
in search for some other life-giving liquor
that might one day replace the gift

self-replenishing and once held so dear

which Man burned away,
driven to madness by a sticky pride which
bade him drain the ever-flowing stream
bade him destroy the foreign memories
     which were also His
                           the knowledge, the beauty
     which was also His.

Adrenaline

The red sky
crackle of fire-soaked wind
poured over our skin
as the 'other' -
human in name only -
surrounded our small encampment.

And we, beasts ourselves,
could only snarl and howl
with anger
as the 'other' -
whose faces we had seen plastered
on bloodied pamphlets -
rushed in.

Peachy Dream

The camera - or some ever watchful eye
zooms down to the foreground
and watches as you pass
through my threshold.

There - where a garden brimming with life
and flooded with my love for you
is harvested, waxed,
and lined neatly on cheap wooden shelves
for your viewing pleasure -
the colors cast their snare upon you
and pull you away from the door.

A shrill chime rings and alerts me
to your uneasy presence and I
drift to you on the wafting AC breeze
                                     and I
lift my golden peach to
your hungry lips.
     The scent clings to your brain,
     invading every of your dull recollections
     with my juice confection.

You bite.  I reel you in.

In The Heat of Winter

The blade touched down on the war-torn ice,
gouged out by the sharpened weight
of professional and novice alike.

It was then that I saw the paradox;
my scarf wrapped tight, in the frozen building,
when just a moment ago we had languished
in the sweltering winter sun.

Still, I took your hand and smiled
savoring the rush of frictionless cold,
our fingers entangled

though I could no longer feel your warmth.

Free Write: Wondering About Reincarnation

Source: http://www.kaz-photography.com/

I am beginning to wonder at the concept of reincarnation, especially given my recent revelation that I did not fully understand or believe in the idea of an immortal soul or spirit.

Many believe that at death, the soul becomes free of the physical body, as though our skin and bones and sinew were all simply a clever prison for a smaller, sentient being, a robot to control.  And once free, it either leaves to some other world that lay either under or above our feet, to be judged or to be prepped for a life in a new physical body, a new "meat prison".

But underlying these theories of the afterlife is the idea that we manage to maintain the identities and memories and experiences we often during our lives, that we are - totally the same person, same species, same type of being.

But perhaps when I die, all of my memories of opening presents at Christmas parties, my first kiss, or the impossible beauty of the night sky fall away and my self - in its entirety - is absorbed by a fungi.  That my remains nurture the soil, and the ashes of my hair color the sky as they drift along, each particle distinctly and uniquely grey...

    But what of this "soul" thing?
    Perhaps there is something like it.

I have never seen one with absolute certainty, yet still I am here and I - a select, billions-large group of primates, miniscule and precious among the unimaginable expanse of abiotic matter, have the ability to experience.  To be fully aware of myself as a self.  I would not - like an insect might - self-cannibalize at the smell of a wound to my stomach simply because instinct tells me that fresh food is near, without understanding that it is my blood made my mouth water.

     Perhaps indeed it is a soul that has given me that mental safeguard.
     Plus, I do believe in things like energy, auras, some psychic abilities...
     So perhaps.

But this immortality part is the kicker for me.  I have never seen immortal consciousness or immortal life.  Never tasted it or touched it or heard it speak to me - its voice.  It's not something that I may say with absolutely certainty, that I have observed and documented it.  Irrefutable evidence eludes me.  Thus I am unqualified to say.

Imagine for a moment though, that upon death we are completely liberated, even from ourselves.  No more memories which plague us in our sleep, or which we retain, selfishly, within ourselves.  That we are given fully - mind, body and, yes even soul - back to the unconscious, explosive, and treacherous cosmos, finding peace.  Then, by some miracle of natural, undiscovered law, our memories permeate and impress themselves upon others in the collective consciousness of our species.  Our past life would become that of another who - though strange and far from us - would be so moved, so strongly empathetic, as to believe that they and us were one.

That even in the face of complete annihilation of self, our memories would become the dreams of those that follow us, as we feed the soil of their garden.

Would that not be beautiful as well?