"Get It Together" - India Arie
I realize I haven't written a blog in a goodly while, about a month now actually. Lots of stuff has been happening and I found myself kind of entangled in a weird mixture of apathy and self-pity about my life, about my schooling, and even about my lack of motivation to continue to live in this wholly broken system.
I have seen so much wrong with the system my life is required to conform to that I had begun to lose my way spiritually, to forget that what I want to do, to help to change this system for the better, requires that I first work within the system and play it's game.
What system? The educational system is closest at heart. The fact that it is so depressingly expensive that extensive saving on the part of my mother for my college education from the moment I was born still came woefully short of the costs that would have to be paid for me to earn my degree in four years. It is that gas prices are so high now that I had considered dropping out of the four-year university I currently attend, and going to a community college at least until all my GEs were done.
But I didn't.
Not because it wasn't the right thing to do or anything.
Ironically, at least in my view, it was because I didn't want people to think less of me for doing it. To tell me what a bad choice I was making. Etc.
The fear of being wrong I suppose. Or of being ridiculed and judged for doing what I believe is right.
But I'm trying to break out of this now. The more I learn about the world around me and the universe within me, the more I realize that the only way to change things is to make a choice. And inaction unfortunately is the preferred choice of the indecisive.
I don't know how, but I am working on being more decisive and believing in the decisions I make as an adult, despite the views of others (though of course I would listen to the views of others as well).
I see it as my next "baby" step into adulthood.
Wish me luck.
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Food for thought (>^_^)>#
